guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
