dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
fuck your aforementioned shoe
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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