jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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