You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just googled if crying burns calories
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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