Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
