also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
