You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
even my farts smell like vagina
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
