the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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