you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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