I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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