someone threw a dead crab at me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
