U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
