Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
