Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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