im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
