So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
