i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
