I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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