I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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