I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
honey bunches of taint.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
