One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
