Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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