I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
