Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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