I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
