That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
