i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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