he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
