I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
