I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
