You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
