just come out here and I will go home with you...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
