I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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