We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
