whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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