Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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