but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
