dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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