I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
