Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
