shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
time to smoke my breakfast
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
