i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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