She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
