Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
