well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
