I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
