i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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