Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
