i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
