I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
