I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
